There have been times through my life where I’ve just had to question whether or not God hears me. Oh, don’t act surprised. You’ve had the same thoughts a time or two. And if you haven’t – I want to formally commend you and ask that you teach me your ways, oh wise one!
In all seriousness, I still ask myself this question. And just this morning it was followed by a string of rambling thoughts similar to this: Do I really know You? Do You know where I’m struggling? Can You hear me? Lord, do I honestly know what I’m doing when I try and lay something at Your feet? I mean, I sure hope so because I’m trying to encourage everyone else to do this and it would be pretty lame of me to hold onto something so tightly, feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out what I did to cause all these anxious thoughts.
And after a few moments of kicking that around my mind bursts forth with my moment of desperation: Have I been doing it wrong all this time?!”
I know what you’re probably thinking. Good grief, woman, do you honestly have thoughts like this upon climbing out of bed in the morning?
The answer is yes. Yes, I do. And the enemy is ready to pounce upon this thought process faster than a table full of 4th graders to a Chucke Cheese pizza. He’s standing by, ready to fan the flame to make my sudden reservations grow higher and higher until I can’t see over the flames anymore.
In a flash, I must become audible and speak the words: The enemy wants you to doubt. Remember that you are loved. Lay your worries at His feet.
There is a passage in Psalms that tells us that when we are in distress we call out to the Lord and He hears us.
And it’s in these moments that I have to remind myself that God hears us and understands the problem even when we can’t find the words to express to Him what it is. Calling out to Him doesn’t have to be anything more than a bunch of broken requests wrapped in a blanket of sobs. Romans 8:26 describes it as groaning.
Groaning! Now, I like to think of myself as a fairly good contender for deciphering speech as I’ve been a huge part of teaching three (nearly four) children to speak. However, groaning is an entirely different deal altogether.
Have you ever heard someone in a groaning state? Whether the groan comes from someone in pain or someone who is complaining, both are hard to listen to for entirely different reasons. But not God. He’s so in tune with the Holy Spirit that He knows those thoughts regardless of whether they seem coherent to us or not.
Just as a newborn baby cries out when it has a need, so should the children of God. He will come to our aid whether those cries make sense to us or not. A baby’s lack of communication skills certainly doesn’t keep the parent from tending to its needs any more than God will refuse to tend our needs. And it is a beautiful thing to know that the job of the Holy Spirit is to make known those needs. His job is to intercede on our behalf.
It’s such a comfort to me that God understands the nonsense that I don’t. The tears that I don’t. The worries that I don’t. And He is big enough to handle them all.
But even when calling out to Him becomes difficult, remember that we can always ask him to search the contents of our heart, exposing the dark places that would like nothing better than to hide out in the corners of our soul, growing bigger over time.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (Psalm 139:23, NIV)
Call out to Him. He is listening…