God already is... - This Side of Grace

January has always been a difficult month for me. I can’t quite put my finger on why but I know that it’s always there…hanging over my head for 31 of the longest days of the year.

Sometimes I think to myself “this must be what it’s like to have a toenail ripped out.”

I might be a little overdramatic at times.

I’ll admit that it pains me a little to say such a thing becuse Lily and Wyatt were born this month. And Henley would’ve been, as well, but she was born a little early in late December. You’d think that with such great memories during this month of blahs I’d be able to pull myself out of the funk.

But it never seems to happen and my heart continues to feel troubled.

I feel it approaching, creeping ever so softly behind me as I’m busy celebrating the birth of Christ. And every year I tell it that it’s me who will win this time. I’ll try psyching myself up by saying: “This January is going to be better.” Or “Yay! We’re off to a great start of another great year!”

Yet somehow my balloon starts to deflate after a few days and I settle into a disgruntled sort of mood.

Can anyone relate? Perhaps you have a different month or time of year? Or maybe yours is more like a certain day of the week. (In that case, Lord help you because while I have to endure 31 long days all at once you have to string out 52 of them across the course of an entire year).

So I asked myself about a week ago – “Why does this keep happening?” Before I had the chance to get to the bottom of that, a friend of mine said three simple words that made me realize what I was doing wrong. She said to me: “I am determined…”

She was determined to have a good week despite disruptions here and there that would cause her to think otherwise. There was no smoke and mirrors. No rose colored glasses. Just hard-core determination to allow God to work through it all.

You see, so often I forget that God doesn’t just work through the messes in our life. He even works through the funks. The not okays. The so-so days. I mean, how often do we try and work through those moments on our own because we fail to call on Him for something that we feel, let’s face it, doesn’t require His help? But Jesus overcame the WHOLE world. Not just bits and pieces of it. He’s here to bring us peace in any circumstance. Everything we could possibly ever need, God already is!

So this January, even though it’s more than halfway through the month, I’m determined to be all in. Determined to give my not-so-joyful-uncertain-as-to-why-I’m-in-a-funk moments to God. I’m going to praise Him in the morning when I get out of my warm bed. Praise Him while I encourage my sleepy kids to dress before the sun is up. Praise Him on the drive to work when I have to lower my speed due to the ice or snow. Praise Him when I bust out the tax preparation. (Pray for me on this last one…)

Because at the end of the day, God’s got this. Even if I’m not feeling on top of it all. Even if I’m not feeling myself. He’s the one that is going to meet all my needs…