So my family and I are back from the beach and still dumping sand out of crevices I didn’t know existed.
Just to clarify, I am not referring to crevices within any part of my anatomy, but I guarantee you I’ll be vacuuming sand out of the carpet of my vehicle for quite some time.
Despite all that, I could go on and on about how beautiful it was. The sound of the waves. The feel of the sand beneath my toes. The ocean breeze against my face every evening. And let’s not forget the sand-crabbin’ that took place between hysterical, screeching adults after our children were safely tucked in bed at night.
All of it was amazing.
But even more amazing to me is how a change of scenery can alter my perspective in a heartbeat. It gets me out of the comfort of my own skin. Or the discomfort of my own skin. It pushes aside the pride that takes up residence in my heart and allows God’s voice to be heard. I scoot right up next to Him and listen, so intently, yet so ashamed of not having listened this closely before.
When He speaks…I hear Him in this place.
And I feel the steam roll effect from the conviction that settles on my heart, much like the olive in the olive press. But it’s not condemnation, for even I know that this comes from the enemy alone. It’s a gentle reassurance from the Holy Spirit that says “I made you for so much more than this.”
And all I can think of when I come back home is, “Lord, help me not to forget those words. Don’t let my foolish heart assume that it has to be the way it was before.”
And I pray that I don’t release my grasp on what could be because I’m too afraid of what it means I’ll be giving up.
For a solid week I was removed from my routine. The repeat performance of the mama-shuffle I carry out each day. You know the one. It involves papers to sign and sort through, little person shoes to locate, allergy meds to administer, socks to match that were presumably eaten by the dryer…booboos to kiss. And don’t forget the other shuffles. The wife shuffle. The employee shuffle. The curly…wait, no… 😉
I’ve said it before but it bears repeating. All of these things are good things. They are responsibilities that are truly a blessing in my life. But residing in a task-driven world of what’s-next-on-the-list doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room. It’s no wonder that the pipeline between myself and the One who loves me becomes clogged. I widen this distance between us by putting so many other things between myself and my relationship with Him.
The frustrating part of it all? It’s not a fresh concept. I hear the memory of it ringing in my ears: “Jennifer, you need to spend more time in the Word. You need to spend more time in prayer. You need to let Him prioritize your life.”
And the one that’s hardest to hear…
I remember the first time I read about Samuel. How he slept inside the house of the Lord as close to the ark as he could get without facing certain death. Hearing God’s voice in the middle of the quiet of the night so clearly that he thought a man (Eli) was speaking to him from outside. How often does God speak to me but I can’t hear his voice over the noise in my life?
Sometimes running off to join the circus doesn’t sound half so bad. And then I stop and think to myself, “but you already live in one.” Yes…I fill my life with so much tangible substance that it feels like I’m part of a three-ring circus.
You can see me right down in front. I’m the one trying to balance a ball on my nose while the audience applauds.
And as I type this I am reminded of how I felt that afternoon sitting on the deck at the beach house. Wyatt by my side resting within a curled beach towel, listening to the waves and the soft crackle of the baby monitor as Willow slept within. I thought about these things God had been placing on my heart. And I was thankful. Through tears streaming down sun screened cheeks, I was thankful for the lessons. For the pressing.
For the peeling off of each layer of fear I’d built up over the course of many years. Just when I think it’s done, another layer begins to come off.
Yes, being away from home gave me perspective. I am so much more than just a lily of the field. God’s got this. I can let go of the ball. The applause from the audience might cease to exist but the One who applauds the loudest will never stop loving. Never stop holding. Never stop comforting, counseling, caring for and correcting me…
Even if I do have to put this message on repeat.
My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. (Proverbs 2:1-2)
*****
Today I’m linking up with the following authors to share my story:
Holley Gerth and Coffee For Your Heart
Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
Simply Beth with Three Word Wednesday
Thanks for this Jennifer. Very encouraging!
Thank you, Diane!
Thank you, Jennifer, for these lovely and challenging words. I am always grateful for the reminders that God gives. He’s so good about that. I’m not always as good at creating a quiet enough life to hear Him. He’s patient, though. And I’m learning.
And I am so grateful for His patience. Thank you for stopping by, Natalie!
“But residing in a task-driven world of what’s-next-on-the-list doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room. It’s no wonder that the pipeline between myself and the One who loves me becomes clogged.” Yes, yes, yes. So glad I linked up next to you at Holley’s place today.
Thank you, Kristin! I’ll follow you on over to your blog, as well.
Feeling that sand in my toes here 🙂 This lover of the beach is just a tad jealous (Christian style). Yeah, the world grabs and He reminds us – I’ve got more. Great!
Thank you for stopping by!
This is really good. Thanks for the reminder Jennifer that God loves us no matter what, that He wants to spend time with us.
Thank you so much, Kortney!
The Spirit whispers “I made you for so much more than all this.” So true. How often I hear that same gentle reminder in my rushed life. Thank you for this beautiful reminder that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Yes, Asheritah – now if only I can remember what I hear…
Jennifer -Such a great message about sabbath. About how God commands that we break our routine, at least once a week, to seek Him deeper and let go of our grip on this world. And this stopped me in my tracks: “For the peeling off of each layer of fear I’d built up over the course of many years. Just when I think it’s done, another layer begins to come off.” Another reason for the sabbath: to make sure the layers don’t get too deep. I so need this. Thanks for sharing this. I’m always glad when I stop by your place… 🙂
Thank you, Karen – I always enjoy reading your words both when you stop by and at your own blog.
What a beautiful post! It brought tears to my eyes, as I read and related to your words. So happy you had a great vacation and were refreshed. May the profound effect of those precious times with Jesus linger with you in the days to come. It was so nice to meet you today. 🙂
Thank you so very much, Cheryl! Such kind words and great encouragement.
SO GOOD, Jennifer: “Let go of the world before it won’t let go of you.”
We are all on this faith journey together. As mothers, we have bought into world’s lie that we can do it all and have it all. I just got back from She Speaks and Lysa Terkeust gave a message based on her new book, “The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands”.
One of the quotes from her: “Are you living with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule and aching with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul?”
I would have to answer YES to that question, Mei. Everything in my life is good (well, for the most part) – but I know that not everything is intended to be there. I know that it’s time for me to lay some things aside and to change my focus. It’s just hard to know where to start. Thank you for your encouragement. You’re a blessing!
“Or the discomfort of my own skin. It pushes aside the pride that takes up residence in my heart and allows God’s voice to be heard.” That part made me think of the lesson I taught while in Moldova, I felt I completely bombed it (was told I had good points). I have to remember that the night before when I was planning on going over the lesson I was spending time with the two year old foster child, so the parents could be in a meeting.
I wondered how it went for you teaching the lesson in Moldova. Shirley, I am always second guessing myself when I teach. It’s a learning process for me. I just have to trust…and know that if He truly wants me to do it He will equip me and will hone that talent as I commit myself to it.
This is so good, Jennifer. You write beautifully. And this speaks to me in so many ways. Loved this >>> “For the peeling off of each layer of fear I’d built up over the course of many years. Just when I think it’s done, another layer begins to come off.” I’m grateful for how He continually refines us by peeling off another layer. I am anxious to meet you in person!! let’s exchange cell numbers so we are sure to connect. I will message you. Thanks for sharing with Three Word Wednesday. Blessings. xoxo
Thank you again, Beth. So excited to meet you next week! 🙂
This post made me want to go to the beach!! Thanks for this breath of fresh air through your words in the meantime. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Holley!
Wonderfully written and so much more detailed that the “lots of things are on my mind” conversation from the van ride Monday. ;-). I love seeing how you have grown in your relationship with God, reading your “heart” written in words and getting to know the real you even better when I read what you have written.
Thank you, Shelly. That means a lot! 🙂