behind the wheel

This week’s Five Minute Friday prompt is on the word plan.

I almost skipped #fmfparty this week. I seldom manage to make the Twitter party, unfortunately, but I try to sneak out there to see what’s going on in the world of other writers. Something about seeing women chat with, laugh together, pray for and inspire just gets my creative juices flowing.

Join me below as I write about “plan.” If you’d like to get involved, follow the links below.

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Plan

Start:

Growing up I thought I always had to have a plan. It made me anxious. Flying by the seat of my pants seemed to be good enough for me, but the pressure from family or peers made me think otherwise. I had to have direction. Like being behind the wheel of a car, I needed to know where I was going.

Would I go to college?

Would my major get me a good job?

Would my job pay me enough?

Would I marry a good man?

Would that good man be a good husband and father?

Would I have one child or many?

Would I stay home with those children or remain in the workforce?

All of those questions factored into that plan I had to fashion for myself. Or the one I thought I had to fashion.

The problem with making a plan is the pressure I felt for keeping it. As though I’d fail myself if I didn’t live up to that contractual obligation my mind conspired to keep.

And then I met You.

I didn’t plan on You. Certainly not like this.

I always hoped that I’d figure it all out one day and the puzzle pieces might fall into place to let me have a glimpse. To be intrigued by The Man behind the name.

To understand why Anyone would ever die to save the lot of us. It just never made any sense.

But I never planned on being able to feel Your love. Your peace. Your will for my life…

And that’s what stole my plan. Snatched it right out from under me.

That’s what made me realize that everything I had down on paper would never live up to the direction You had for me. That it was time to release each and every finger from the security I held fast.

The closer I get to You, the less I calculate. My confidence builds. Apprehension dies.

…and so does the plan.

And now I’m so caught up in watching the dominoes fall. Swiftly. Gracefully. One event bumping into the next and the next and the next. The carefully orchestrated scene unfolds before me.

And all I have to do is show up.

Because this is Your plan…not mine.

Stop

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Won’t you join me this week for Five Minute Friday over at Kate Motaung’s page?  We’d love to see you there!  Just familiarize yourself with this page first, no editing, and set your watch for five minutes.

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