Not long ago, God woke me in the middle of the night to tend to my youngest. I could say that Willow’s sweet, soft voice calling out to me in the dark was the reason my tired feet hit the floor at 2 a.m. but now I know better. God uses moments like these to speak to my heart.
It was there that I sat rocking little arms and legs in the wee hours of the morning that I found myself asking a question.
“Jennifer, are you missing the point?”
Soft, tiny hands gently touched the back of my older, sun worn version and we rocked, rocked, rocked as I had with the others. Eleven years of rocking each one and I just couldn’t help but wonder if my vision had been clouded all those eleven years.
I reflected on a time when I gave birth to my first child, Lily. I loved her the moment I saw her, yes, but I didn’t feel as though my personality changed all too much. I fell into motherhood easily but it never dawned on me that I should completely change my way of life for this precious little one. To me I had to balance all of my other “obligations” with parenting.
For my husband, however, he changed over night. He quit the job that had him working nights and weekends in order to start his own business and set his own hours. He was determined to spend as much time with our little family as possible. Me being the independent type didn’t so much mind his schedule before kids but the change was nice because it kept us together more.
…after 7 short weeks I was back at work doing the thing I’d always done. Contributing heavily to our income.
With each child I felt a bit of a stirring that I should make a change, yet I was never able to commit. I was accustomed to the lifestyle we began as newlyweds and for me, change was scary.
It wasn’t until my fourth, when Willow Leigh was born, that I knew I had been making the wrong decision. This one made me realize I could take these steps of faith and accept the grace He was handing me before it was all too late.
I’d love for you to join me over at Katie M. Reid’s place, Finding Grace in the Unraveling, to hear the rest of my “grace unraveled” story. How God spoke to my willing heart one sleepy night from an eleven year-old rocking chair.
As you read this I am most likely on my way to Kenya to visit Mercy House. My flight has several connections that will keep me in a seat at the airport for several hours. I’d love to engage with you in the comments below and on Katie’s blog at the link above. I’ll also covet your prayers for safe travel and an amazing, God-glorifying trip!