I’ve welcomed an involuntary break from blogging lately. While I can hardly say that I’ve felt drawn to becoming a brand or hitting the magic number of posts each week to satisfy a reader base, I do feel a sort of urgency when I “fall behind.” However, with the combination of me choosing to skip out on the blogging for #write31days and focus, instead, on some micro-blogging via Instagram – as well as the conveniently timed problems my blog has undergone in the last month…well, I’ve really missed it.
That said, just as taking the time to stop and write helps me to process through my thoughts, sometimes life calls for silence. To sit quietly more days than I can count as I lay it all out there at His feet. The ugly baggage I’ve been trying to carry around for far too long. And what I’m finding is that when we’re on the cusp, the baggage hinders our reach. That new beginning is inches away but the grasp can’t be had for the weight of the burdens we still try and carry ourselves.
My husband and I have both done an incredible amount of soul searching this year. Some days, we come up frustrated and empty. Others, we feel as though we’re making immeasurably more progress than ever and praise goes up in those moments to remember the One sending us that wisdom.
We’ve been on the Potter’s wheel a lot lately. When the pressure of His hands is the greatest that is when it becomes the most uncomfortable. The refining is worth it, of course. This is how we’re made anew. This is how faith is grown.
Oh, we would circumvent it if we could, but after many years of trying to skirt our way around the difficult parts we’ve learned that the only way out is through. The only way to harden our exterior in the kiln is if we’re molded to the shape He desires first.
I’ve learned so much more about prayer during this process. There are many days that my list of requests is long but my praise is longer. So I offer that up instead. I tell Him exactly how thrilled I am that He’s got it all in His hands and I don’t have to do it myself. I praise Him for health…and happiness in little things like tea. I praise Him for smiles and how much I love it when my kids give me one of those…followed by the wonderfulness of their hugs. I praise Him for time spent together as family and even for words of kindness spoken after an argument between littles. I thank Him for making pumpkins orange, clouds a fluffy white and my eyes an unusual shade of greenish blue. I thank Him that I can feel the breeze on my skin as I sit on the deck watching the world scoot by more swiftly than I can comprehend.
Truthfully, I just want Him to know that I’m grateful for the 1000 gifts He’s bestowed on our family. Even during all of this incessant pressing we’ve gone through. Pressing that neither of us asked for.
Yet I thank Him just the same. Without it, neither one of us would be where we are now.
So in the end, the door to my heart is wide open and I invite Him in. Even if I don’t have all of the answers and even if I’m still standing in the middle of a mess, He’s going to know what I love about this life long before He ever knows what I really need from Him this day.
“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us – set us right with him, make us fit for him – we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s face and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:1-2, MSG Bible)
Linking up with the following authors this week: