Pride. Rocks, of all different sizes, that I  accumulated over time. I filled my pockets – greedy thing that I was – weighing myself down until I could barely move. Yet I strained, determined to slowly trudge on…this balancing act of keeping it all intact because there was something to prove.

That was my life.

The weight of it tore at my seams and kept me from experiencing the fullness of life. Kept me in bondage, shackled to the world like a convict to a chain gang but oblivious to the wrongs that put me there in the first place.

Yet…when aligned under a certain Sovereignty I began to experience deliverance. Not overnight – because casting out pride takes some time. But as each rock fell I gained something. Wisdom. Grace.

Blessings have been bestowed by simply making myself lower. Lighter. Casting off each piece of pride like a stone across the water…skipping its way to freedom before it plunges down to be washed free from the dust upon its surface.

Because that’s what it is, right? Just dust, covering what’s beneath because we aren’t satisfied with our real skin. We offer up excuses and portray these lives that impress others who don’t really want to be impressed upon.

Pride is just a layer than needs to be cleansed from the surface of who we really are.

I read about chronic overloading as part of my Sabbath study and this was me. This was my life and the life of so many around me. We make these excuses for how “busy” we are and why? For what, really? To give our children every opportunity in the world? They have a lifetime for those opportunities but must be taught to observe the slow, gentle grace of enjoying those simple moments that’s free for the taking but is often passed up for the things we simply can’t afford. Yes, we try to buy time – but it’s not for sale. Not like that…

“God does not have to depend on human exhaustion to get his work done. God is not so desperate for resources to accomplish His purposes that we have to abandon the raising of our children in order to accommodate Him. God is not so despairing of where to turn next that He has to ask us to go without sleep five nights in a row. Chronic overloading is not a spiritual prerequisite for authentic Christianity. Quite the contrary, overloading is often what we do when we forget who God is.” –Richard Swenson

I’m sure you didn’t guess that this post on pride had to do with my choice of overloading for the sake of exalting myself. To build a platform for myself that fooled everyone into thinking I had it altogether. But I remind you that this year is about “relinquishing” for me. Letting go. My rocks. My pride.

Listen, this caring for the home as a full-time job is no joke. There are days I miss my old job and most certainly my paycheck, but I was gaining a world and losing a soul during that time. I wasn’t aligning myself under a sovereign God who knew better. I loved Him, most assuredly, but I wasn’t willing to relinquish my position for His better plan. I wasn’t willing to give up my seemingly perfect life. 

I know that word “chronic.” It hinders me from climbing out of bed some days when it’s attached to the word “illness” or “inflammation” or “pain.” I don’t love it. It’s persistent and unyielding. We don’t dig ourselves out of “chronic.”

“The word chronic implies a routine that’s become ingrained over time into our mind-set and our usual way of living. It’s a road we are deliberately traveling without awareness or interest of the off-ramps we’re passing on the way.” –Priscilla Shirer

We don’t have to all quit our jobs and withdraw our kids from every activity under the sun. We don’t need to sit in idleness to be aligned in the shadow of His sovereignty.

But we do need to observe a rest that is freely given and ask ourselves if what we are doing day-in-and-day-out are done out of pride…or done because He’s asking us to. Remember, He won’t ask us to give up our first ministry. He won’t ask us to give up our quiet time. He won’t ask us to give up the slow rest that He has so exquisitely crafted into the plan for our lives.

Let us make certain we aren’t giving it away because of those rocks…

#thissideofgrace

Linking up with the following authors this week:

Holly S. Barrett for Testimony Tuesday

Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

Holley Gerth and Coffee For Your Heart