I see you, friend. Helpless. Wondering why this faith thing didn’t work out for you. Asking where in the world God was when it happened.

You’re sinking fast in the fallen world and swept over by waves of loneliness. Tears keep pouring as you pound fists, wishing for it to end. Sometimes you want that new life. And sometimes you feel like giving it up altogether.

You wonder why your husband betrayed you. Or your friend lied to you. You can’t figure out why your dad moved out or your mom chose someone else or why that friend is being eaten alive with cancer. You’re shackled to memories that consume you. Words like infidelity, addiction, deception and distrust flow in and out of your mind as easily as sand falling through your fingers. You’re convinced that taking life in your own hands will fix it all because it’s a “feeling.” And those can’t steer us wrong, can they? They’re a part of who we are and if we follow those feelings, surely it’ll all turn right-side up in the end.

Wouldn’t it be easier to transplant to a different life? Throw our hands in the air when we lay blame on anyone but us over life’s circumstances. Just erase the unity of marriage and divide up time with the kids because hey, that extra time alone serves a purpose, right? Oh, we say yes and nod our heads eagerly before we even ask ourselves what voices we’re listening to.

Remember the garden? The snake? That voice, so cunning?

What do you do when the wrong voice speaks?

There’s always a competing voice. A competing sound trying to disrupt the new rhythm you walk, and in the beginning maybe you didn’t know that. You grabbed that free gift and thought you were home free. But you didn’t read the fine print. Who you were is no more. This grace thing, it comes with more features than a fully loaded Cadillac. But there’s a manual to be read. There’s an understanding to be had.

Your free gift comes with a power to silence the voice that wants you back in your old self. The voice that tells you this life should be a cake walk and all you have to do is keep chasing the feeling. Keep leaning into the world and let’s set this whole religion thing aside because it’s hard and we create rules for ourselves and I don’t want to become someone new…because my old self…I wasn’t that bad, was I?

What a lie, yeah? It’s easy to hear the wrong voice and even easier to believe it.

Steven Furtick said “the attack will always come during the harvest.” The enemy could care less what you do when you’re receiving the word. It’s when you respond and put your faith into action that he begins to bully.

After the waters of baptism were still dripping from your brow. After you became one with your husband. Or when that first baby was born. Or maybe it’s when you started giving to missions and world rescue. And remember that time you brought that friend to church?

He hits us hard. So hard we feel defeated and ask ourselves “was it worth it?”

Was it? Worth it?

Another voice. Another…Gethsemane. As we’re pressed and squeezed harder than we feel we can bear, do we renounce it and let the feelings drive us? Or do we stand up and fight for what the enemy is trying so desperately to steal?

Nothing is out of reach for His hands to heal. Even the deepest scar and the darkest night can become a distant memory serving as testimony to just how much He loves you. How much He loves me. Redemption has no expiration date.

You are not the old you anymore.


Linking up with the following authors this week:

Holly S. Barrett for Testimony Tuesday
Holly Barrett

Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

Holley Gerth and Coffee For Your Heart