If you’ve read my Facebook regularly you might have seen a bit of a trend. The last two months have primarily talked a lot about my adventures in becoming a stay-at-home mom. In that comes the comical side of watching my children’s antics during many more hours of the day. It also comes with more moments of lamentation as I deal with broken arms and outbreaks of poison ivy.
Yet, at the root of it all, is me. Learning to navigate waters in a new season of life by letting go of my career and embracing full-time motherhood.
So you can imagine the sick feeling I had when a longtime online friend left a comment conveying that following my new journey of being a stay-at-home mom was “exhausting.”
I was more than just mildly upset. I searched the reasons for why it was so exhausting. I mean, I know I’ve never done this whole full-time mom thing before, but I kind of expected everyone to rejoice with me. Even in those moments of trial and error, laughable and stressful, familiar and unfamiliar.
So I quickly typed a response. It was the most somewhat polite one I could come up with so early in the morning after a night of little sleep. I felt satisfied that I was able to communicate that she need not follow or read anything about “my new journey” if my thoughts were not appreciated. I crossed my i’s and dotted the t’s and felt good about everything I had to say.
And then, as if by grace, I saw the word standing out from the page once more. Exciting.
Not “exhausting.”
She wasn’t exhausted in reading about my journey. She was excited for me!Â
The next few seconds sounded a lot like: “Seriously, Jennifer, what on EARTH is wrong with you?”
I breathed a sigh of relief and removed everything I’d just typed and sat for a few minutes thinking about what I’d almost done. Somewhat polite might’ve been a bit of a stretch. I was tired and groggy and had been in rare form. If I’m being honest, my response was rather curt and unloving.
I was a little bit ashamed of myself.
In that moment I knew if I was going to continue to share my story online about anything – from family to friends to faith in this public processing of my thoughts – that I needed to be better prepared for the possible criticism that came with someone who didn’t share my opinion. Not be ready to fire back with a flared temper.
Consequently, it hadn’t happened this time around but it has happened. It will continue to happen. And it’s probably one of the very things that stops me dead in my tracks, preventing me from moving forward.
As an online fiction writer I’d get that random review that ripped me in two because someone didn’t like what I’d done with my characters. But this…this kind of thing is a lot bigger than killing off a character your readers loved.
Putting my life on display is a choice I’ve made for myself. Not everyone will agree with how much (or little) should be shared via a blog or social media. And that’s okay. I’ve learned to live with that.
But I’m finding that putting my faith on display is a much scarier thing. Essentially, what I’m doing is publicly sharing with you the way I process through truth. You get to journey with me as I work through what He’s teaching me. Every idea must be expounded on and sometimes I might land on the wrong conclusion.Â
And sometimes…so will you. Our thoughts may not always align.
But I don’t want to walk this road to Emmaus alone. When we walk and talk together these are the places Jesus meets us. These are the times where He speaks truth into our hearts and helps us understand who He is.
And as apprehensive as it is to walk this road publicly, fearing that what I have to say hits the page and sparks conflict of some sort, I just can’t pull the car over and sit idle because I’m afraid to go on.
It is at this spot in the road…this crossing of intersections that I need to let the fruit of the Spirit shine. I need to motion you on through and remember that this journey may not land us in the same place at the same time. We might not always agree or see eye to eye with what’s being shared in this public venue known as the interwebs.
But it doesn’t mean I let the car run out of gas by idling on the shoulder. It doesn’t mean that I give up and drive back home.
Because if I did that, I would never grow. I’d never glean as much wisdom from online readers who graciously share their opinions whether they agree with me or not.
Whether exhausting or exciting…the journey must continue. You and I, we can walk this road to Emmaus together, our hearts burning as we compare notes of our time with Him.
And perhaps sometimes we will need to agree to disagree. Yes?
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Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
Holley Gerth and Coffee For Your Heart
Kristin Hill Taylor for Three Word Wednesday
Holly S. Barrett for Testimony Tuesday
Kelly Ballerie for RaRa Linkup
Conflict is not my favorite, but God often does His work in me through disagreements. You are so right – sometimes we need to disagree and still be friends!
I’m excited and exhausted for you ; ) Staying home is a tremendous gift.
I think all of our journeys are exhausting. I’m technically not a stay-at-home mom (I telecommute and my child goes to daycare) but I’ve heard similar comments about my journey as a working mother. We have a tendency to be critical towards each other instead of encouraging one another. We can learn a lot from each other from our various perspectives.
I totally agree. Thank you for sharing with me here in this space!
Oh friend… I love this so much! From the way we have ALL misread, misheard, or misinterpreted something and immediately crafted a crafty response (even if just in our heads!) to the way we grow and stay in the conversation and yes, sometimes, agree to disagree! So much Amen! (And every kind of mothering is both exciting AND exhausting anyway, right?) 😉
Every kind of mothering IS exciting and exhausting. Oh, how right you are! 😉
I’m so glad we travel this road together – bumps and all. You are so right – it can be scary to put ourselves out there and sometimes we even project those fears onto people and places they don’t belong. But God is so faithful to always prove out His purpose and show us that our willingness to be vulnerable, to share the “exciting” and the “exhausting”, reaches just the right person at the right time. Thank you for sharing your heart and journey so beautifully – I for one am a fan!
Thank you so much, Tiffany. You’re such a wonderful encourager!
I so know what you mean about sharing my faith on the Internet. I used to hide who I am more, but once I started my blog, people started to come to me for prayer or advice that never would have. I won’t trade that for anything.
But yeah, negative criticism still hurts me.
I hear you loud and clear. I would’ve run from this a few years ago and now I know that it’s not about me. There is something SO much bigger here… Thank you for visiting, Sarah, and for your constant encouragement.
I love this! As a new reader, I can say that my favorite posts by any blogger are the ones where they vulnerably share the real, the good, and the really stinkin ghard. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability here!
Thank you for visiting, Lauren. I think publicizing my blog was one of the harder things for me to do. But I know that staying silent didn’t bring any glory what-so-ever to His name and maybe…just maybe someone out there needs to hear what He has to say through me. 😉
Preach it! I SO love what you said, how you said it and THAT you said it! I am so exhausted for you in this new stay-at-home-mom journey…WAIT! I mean EXCITED! But honestly, I am. And it will be a teeny bit exhausting. But enjoy every minute because one day they move in a dorm and a part of your heart lives there with them, as they take that first step away from home and all of a sudden you aren’t sure where they are, when they ate, if they have clean clothes or what time they really did get in the night before. It all goes too fast, trust me. Enjoy and savor every moment, the exhausting and the exciting ones, because you are now immersed in the toughest job on earth – full time mothering! You will never regret one second.
Ha! The funny side to all of this, Beth, is that it IS exhausting. So I’m not sure (even had she typed that) why I would feel so upset about it anyway. I’m. Tired. 😉
Jennifer, this post truly hits home. I do not handle conflict well AT ALL. Actually, I’ve been struggling with how I handled something recently on Facebook. Someone commented on a post I shared that was faith related and said, “I don’t need to hear about church and God every day.” There was more to it but that was the last line of her comment.
And what did I do? I deleted that status update.
Truthfully, I’ve been feeling like in that moment I denied Jesus. Shouldn’t I stand firm, with love, in the faith I confess?
I have contemplated writing about it as it helps me process my emotions but so far God hasn’t given me the go ahead on that post.
But I really, truly appreciated what you shared her and I thank you for sharing.
btw, that person ended up unfriending me. So yes, still struggling with that one.
Much love.
xoxo
Beth, I will be praying for you (and your “friend”) over that one. How hurtful! But I can’t really be too surprised because it’s happened to me numerous times. It makes me sad and causes me to hesitate…and I hate that. I don’t want any hesitation in my fingers when I want to share my heart about Jesus. Period. We’re in this together…so I have your back! 😉